Okayness To Go – Building Internal Capital

December 12, 2018 - Leave a Response

I am very excited to be hosting and facilitating a Workshop / Support Group to help people who are battling bad habits, fears, addictive behaviors, relationship or career failures or who just want to change something in their life. One of the hardest obstacles to overcome are those voices inside of us that stand in our way. So many get their Okayness from external sources or other people. Building a reserve of Okayness To Go is the most effective way to move forward. Change always begins with changing our own thoughts. We focus on those inner thoughts and how to change them to create effective actions.

 

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A Broken Toy

March 14, 2018 - Leave a Response

Many of us find ourselves in a place where something in our life feels broken. It can even be at a time when we believe that we are consistently doing the next right thing. Imagine being a child and giving the broken “toy” to a loving parent. As a child you don’t understand why the toy broke or why it cannot be fixed on your schedule. If you stomp and scream and have a fit, you will never understand because your brain will not develop and you will not be accessing those frontal lobes that give us the gift of thinking with more than an alligator brain. Instead you will focus only on your victim status and you will not notice that the loving parent still loves you and is there for you. You will not see the beauty in the world nor the gifts you do have. You will not even bother to play with the other toys that you have. Maybe you were too immature for that toy and you must wait until you can safely enjoy it later. Maybe the glue that is needed to fix it is also needed for something more important in the household. Maybe The toy was fundamentally flawed and would cause you harm. For those suffering from addiction, sometimes the life they are living is the broken toy. No matter what they do, they cannot fix the toy on their own. They need to turn that toy over to something more powerful. The first three steps are all about turning it over, “I can’t,” “God can,” “I think I will let God.”

Fear and Threat Trigger the Need to Control

March 7, 2018 - Leave a Response

It is a natural human response to seize control when threatened or scared. We just want to grab on and make sure that everything is run the way we want it to be when we become threatened or afraid. Our gut tells us that we can control things back to safety. Healthy people stop themselves when grabbing control is not the right thing to do, when letting go of control is the safest response. For example, if I were the passenger in a car that was going out of control and there was a competent driver next to me, I may get the urge to grab the wheel and seize control, but it would be far safer to allow the current driver to do his or her thing. My healthy, rational self would stop me from grabbing on. So, those people that you know who must control everything and everyone feel threatened almost all of the time. It doesn’t mean that the threats are real. After all many of the Monsters we face in life are only Monsters in our own minds. But whether the threat is real or perceived, those controlling people believe that they are responding to threats. They would probably deny that it is fear that drives them. Most likely they have created many defense mechanisms that justify their need to control the world around them. Many of these people came from scary places where there were threats and they never changed their perception when the environment and the circumstances changed. But many others of these people are just bullies and want to push everything and everyone around.  So, for some of them the threats may be merely that they are afraid that they are not going to get their own way and they truly believe that their way is always best. It is still fear based, even though the fear is just a selfish concern that they will not finish first. For those of us who must live on the other side of people who want to do everything their way and have trouble delegating without micromanaging, we can know these behaviors are fear driven. It is at least an understanding and the only way to have any hope of remediating such behaviors that plague some workplaces and homes. But the people who have the power to effect change must see the cause of over control and they must be willing to remediate in order for a culture to improve.

Hello world!

January 26, 2010 - One Response

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